BREAKING NEWS: Drunk Jesus deeply regrets turning plenty of water into wine yesterday

It’s a tough Sunday for Jesus. A number of churches now report that Jesus is by no means present as He tends to be. “Unfortunately, Jesus like everyone else can sometimes drink too much and last night and night it was one of those times” priest Bjørn-Grevling Guderud told eAvisa

Wine in the water tap
A number of witnesses who partied with Jesus tell that Jesus turned enormous amounts of water into wine. “At one point, all the water taps in the house were converted into wine taps and Jesus hung under the taps and drank divine amounts of wine”says one of the party participants who also says that Jesus struggled to walk on the water in the house pool

Behaved like a fool
Moreover, several witnesses tell that Jesus unfortunately became all too drunk. Jesus is said to have behaved frivolously and is said to have splashed red wine in the face of his friend Steffen. “It’s all right, yes Jesus got drunk and crazy, but here in the house we forgive each other”says Steffen who works daily as a snake tamer at kløfta reptile park and who by others is described as Jesus’s very best friend.

eAvisa follows the case further and returns with supplementary news if there turns out to be more to this case…

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