Does anyone knit in your family?
For a number of years it has been fully acceptable to knit hats, mittens and sweaters in Norway. Knitting has long been referred to as a hobby and equated with innocent activities such as reading, cooking and stamp collection. Now experts warn against accepting knitting as part of Norwegian everyday life. “People who knit are often morbidly concerned with this hobby and allow knitting of checkered mittens and other nonsense no one needs to wear, go beyond family relationships”says one of the most renowned researchers in the north on psychological behavior. “I’d rather spend the night with a psychotic ex-drug addict with a plastic hammer than a clinky egocentric lady in her 50s with knitting needles and yarn balls”he says
Clear psychopathic traits
In a survey conducted by the university where chief prologist Stefan Gøring Vante works, it has been found that an overwhelming majority of those who knit are thoroughbred psychopaths. “A whopping 87% of those who reported knitting as a hobby had one or more psychopathic traits”says the researcher. They also found that especially women aged 41-63 became meaner and meaner to family members the more time they spent on the selfish hobby. “Yes, for this age group it became very clear that knitting was more important than both children and the remaining family. There were several examples of this age group being directly vicious to people around them” says the renowned scientist.
Lay down the knitting needles
On the basis of this survey, the researcher now recommends having a chat with family members who knit. “Get them away from this hobby and recommend other healthy activities you can do with your family. Ladies who knit very often have a slightly distorted picture of the effect so proceed gently” he recommends. Most people who have this dubious hobby turned out, according to the survey, to be manipulative and more aggressive than most people. People who knitted a lot also had an increasing proportion of personality disorder and other mental disorders, it emerged from the comprehensive survey. In the anti-knitting environment, they are now worried that we will have the first knitting accident in Norway before anyone really grabs this. “A knitting needle can quickly end up in the eye or through the foot if you step on it while it is straight up,” says a former knitter from Gjøvik who wishes to remain anonymous. Eavisa has also been in contact with Norway’s knitting and weaving federations, but they were furious and unfortunately slang on the tube in fury before we could ask them questions.
“Do you have anyone in your family who knits? Help them. Sit down and have a chat with that person and tell them that you love him/her and that you want to help them out of knitting.” is the concluding advice of the Swedish scientist.